"They" Stole My Body

- by Di Mollink

A secret government agency stole my body. I am not sure when this happened, but this morning I had looked in the mirror and a stranger’s body was attached to my head. How could this have happened without me knowing? They must have used a ray gun or memory wand to wipe out any recollection of the operation that they did.

You think I am talking complete rubbish, don’t you? I have proof. You can see the lines on my neck where the surgical laser decapitated my head. Look real closely. Oh, you can see them from there? Good, now you know that I am telling the truth. They must have removed my head in layers because there are several of those lines.

Let me show you my clothes. You will believe me then. I open my closet. Oh my, these guys are really clever. They have cleaned out my closet and put someone else’s clothes in there. That’s the way they work you know? Try and make you think that you are losing your mind. I am a sane and rational person: I would have remembered buying these tents. I check the labels. Size sixteen?! There is not a chance. I search frantically for my real clothes. Ah, wait a minute, there’s something.
Crumpled up in the corner of my closet is a pair of my real jeans. Perhaps I put them there by accident when tidying up last week. I wonder why they look so dusty, as if they have been there for years. Fortunately the men from the agency missed them when they emptied my cupboard. Size ten – definitely my jeans.

I slide a foot in. It requires a pair of scissors to take it out again. You see! This is not my body. My real body used to slide into those jeans like a second skin and the zip would close without me having to give up breathing for life. It’s a conspiracy!

Staring at this stranger’s body, I resolve to find out everything I can about this agency. I will track the culprits down. When I find them, I will organise a rally. Together with all the other ladies that have had their bodies surgically replaced without their permission, we will picket outside their head office. We will string up our Triple XL granny panties on poles and flap them in their faces. Of course with so many hefties protesting, I hope for their sake that the pavement is reinforced steel. Serves them right if it is not. I must just remind my fellow victims to have those flags freshly laundered.

On second thoughts – maybe not.

I am going to torture them until they give me the name of the wench whose body they gave me. I can just see her out there, strutting around in that svelte slinky body that belongs to me. The sheer nerve of it. She is going to get all her body parts back - bovine bosom, flabby stomach and bowling-ball bottom - that are determined to make an intimate acquaintance with my feet. She had better return my clothes too.

After agonising minutes of research and sleuthing I have finally discovered the name of the secret agency that stole my body. I waddle to the address that I have managed to track down at great personal risk to myself. The bare-faced arrogance and brazenness of it. They are not even ashamed. A bold, neon flashing sign at the entrance - declaring – for all to see:

L.I.F.E.

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Di Mollink has embarked on the interesting journey of discovering the applications of Faith and Truth in everyday life. She has a teaching degree, is an accomplished entrepreneur and has become a regular contributor to the principles and practices of Life is a Buffet - Help Yourself, Empower Others.

Laugh For Life - Add a Dose of Humor to Your Day

It's no secret that humor can relieve any situation. This article by Mary Hanawalt is proof of that...
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Laugh For Life - Add a Dose of Humor to Your Day
By Mary Hanawalt

I recently learned a valuable lesson about the role of humor in my life. My college-student stepdaughter called me the other day, and said she had been given an assignment in her psychology class to write a paper. She had the option of writing about the affect of stress upon mental health, or about the affect of humor upon mental health. For some odd reason, she wanted my advice as to which one to choose, and how to research it. I immediately recommended doing the paper on humor, since it sounded like it would be a lot more fun than stress.

A quick search on the internet for "humor and health" showed that there has been an immense amount of research done on this subject. Now this didn't really surprise me. I have intuitively known since I was a child that a good laugh makes me feel good (and often puts a smile on the face of others in the vicinity), and must therefore be good for me. What surprised me was how until that moment, I had trivialized the impact of humor on my life, and on the lives of those I care about.

With this sudden epiphany, I vowed I would change. I decided to start giving humor the priority it deserved. I began to pursue humor with a vengeance. I doubled the number of practical jokes I play on my husband and children. I started actually reading the jokes emailed to me by friends. I perused numerous internet articles about the impact a good sense of humor can have on both our bodies and our souls.

Now don't get me wrong - " I have a long way to go down the path of humor enlightenment. I realized this just yesterday, as I stood in a slow-moving line at the grocery store. You know, the express line where you get behind the senior citizen who has way more than 15 items, and plans to write a check, who is behind the guy who forgot his swipe card, who is behind the lady who needs ten rainchecks. So there I am, evenly grinding the enamel off of my teeth, my temperature literally rising, muttering "hurry up" under my breath. Suddenly, a flash of realization struck me. I needed an attitude adjustment immediately, and humor was the key. I knew that the feel-good sensation from a good laugh could save me from melting into an angry puddle of froth. I looked around me at the rest of the cranky shoppers, and thought "Gee, this must be what it feels like to be a cow".

That is when I emitted my first "Moo". Admittedly, it was weak, and caused a flush of embarrassment to crawl up my cheeks. The surrounding shoppers peered around, looking at anything but me. Thankfully, though, I am persistent. My second "Moo" had much more clarity. I actually caused myself to snicker. The big breakthrough came when the lady in front of me turned around. She had an enormous grin on her face. "Moo" she said, causing an eruptive guffaw from the guy behind me. His subsequent "Moo" carried to the line at the next register.

The chain of moo's continued from line to line, and died off only after meeting the physical barrier of the produce section. The giggles, murmured jokes, rolling eyes, and grins lasted quite a bit longer. Needless to say, I walked out of that store with a smile on my face, regardless of the fact that I had been a victim of the express line from hell.

Granted, that was just one small life experience, but it proved that humor can save us from our own foul moods if given the chance. It also proved that humor is infectious. Just like a yawn, it can carry from one individual to the next. So get out there and laugh! Try to introduce a little humor into the next stressful situation you are in, and just see what happens.

Remember to add a dose of humor to each and every day. Laugh for life!

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About the author:
Mary Hanawalt has a website at http://mothers-of-mirth.com that is dedicated to women with a sense of humor. It is also intended for women who don't yet have a sense of humor, but need one. There are some great gift items available for those special women in your life. Please stop in for a look-around, or if you have any original poems or songs or stories of a silly nature to share.

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Source: www.goarticles.com

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To Realize...

To realize
The value of a sister
Ask someone
Who doesn't have one.

To realize
The value of ten years:
Ask a newly
Divorced couple.

To realize
The value of four years:
Ask a graduate.

To realize
The value of one year:
Ask a student who
Has failed a final exam.

To realize
The value of nine months:
Ask a mother who gave birth to a still born.

To realize
The value of one month:
Ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.

To realize
The value of one week:
Ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.

To realize
The value of one hour:
Ask the lovers who are waiting to Meet.

To realize
The value of one minute:
Ask a person
Who has missed the train, bus or plane.

To realize
The value of one-second:
Ask a person
Who has survived an accident.

To realize
The value of one millisecond:
Ask the person who has won a silver medal in the Olympics.

To realize the value of a friend:
Lose one.

Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when
you can share it with someone special.

The origin of this letter is unknown,
But it brings good to everyone who passes it on.

Uppers (not tablets)

Here are a few simple things to consider that are sure to make you feel
good. Think about them one at a time BEFORE going on to the next one...
Just thinking about them DOES MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD. Can you add to the list?

• Falling in love.
• Laughing so hard your face hurts.
• A hot shower.
• No lines at the supermarket.
• A special glance.
• Getting mail.
• Taking a drive on a pretty road.
• Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
• Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
• Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
• Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla or strawberry!)
• A bubble bath.
• Giggling.
• A good conversation.
• The beach.
• Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
• Laughing at yourself.
• Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
• Running through sprinklers.
• Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
• Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
• Laughing at an inside joke.
• Friends.
• Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
• Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
• Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
• Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
• Playing with a new puppy.
• Having someone play with your hair.
• Sweet dreams.
• Hot chocolate.
• Road trips with friends.
• Swinging on swings.
• Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
• Making chocolate chip cookies.
• Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
• Holding hands with someone you care about.
• Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
• Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
• Watching the sun rise.
• Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
• Knowing that somebody misses you.
• Getting a hug from someone you care about deeply.
• Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.